Phil's daily art blog

29/07/07: Every day is the same...

2007-07-29T18:14:00.000Z

I don't know what I'm trying to say here, I just wanted to draw a cartoon about computers and sweets. If you are into computers and sweets then you know all about unrequited love don't you, you fat bastard!
Incidentally, these are actual photos of the CAMOUKA mainframe, having examined them closely, I'm going to have to sack Janet because she called me "weird" in her on-screen conversation. The CAMOUKA mainframe is used by NATO for it's missle defence system and by the Eurovision Song Contest to add up the votes. Oh, and I use it to play 'Tempest'.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

28/07/07: Fight Global Warming!

2007-07-28T18:13:00.000Z

This campaign is totally idiotic for reasons that are obvious! If you can fight global warming by always carrying ONE tree with you, why not TWO, or THREE, or HUNDREDS?
Best thing to do is hire an enormous lorry and ship round several thousand at a time. Carbon off-setting is a much better idea, pay a poor person to carry round a tree for you and so save yourself the hassle of having to do anything about it yourself...

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

27/07/07: Rufus Raffleston Esq.

2007-07-27T18:13:00.000Z

Rufus Raffleston is a total cad, using Roofies to get his way with the ladies. He's a bounder!
Stolen Art warning!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

26/07/07: The Furious Balloon Brothers

2007-07-26T18:12:00.000Z

What I've gathered from this picture is that sometimes the only way you can get things done is by working as a team. I imagine the fella at the front is saying "Come On!" in a high-pitched squeak because he's full of helium. Hard to take someone seriously when they're angry if they have a high-pitched squeaky voice. The irony is heavy in this one.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

25/07/07: Spring

2007-07-25T18:11:00.000Z

Surely rain is the one thing us Brits are good at coping with. Turns out not to be the case. It's not all disaster though - this company are exploiting the situation by bottling the flood-water at a handsome profit. I hear it's almost as good as Dasani.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

24/07/07: Torrington Pinball Club

2007-07-24T18:10:00.000Z

Send me an email if you want to join! Members must clock Firepower or make 1,000,000 on Black Knight, or offer me sexual favours, or drugs, or alcohol. Extra points for combos.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

23/07/07: Science

2007-07-23T18:10:00.000Z

This is all about the words - download the damn PDF to read them.
Oh, or you could go to this website to see the full text:
www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/science.html

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

22/07/07: Badgerwatch

2007-07-22T18:09:00.000Z

Yes, this is a blatant and passé steal of the Usual Suspects. Whatever! The Badgerwatch are an elite noctural fighting force (operating only in the summer months).

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

21/07/07: I Love Chemicals

2007-07-21T18:08:00.000Z

It's true, I DO love chemicals. They are our friends.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

20/07/07: Same Player Shoots Again

2007-07-20T01:30:00.001Z

If you play in an arcade, then the Holy Grail of pinball is the Special, however as a home owner it's the extra ball. It's sexy!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

19/07/07: Pollen Boy

2007-07-19T01:29:00.000Z

I AM POLLEN BOY, HEAR ME SNEEZE!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

18/07/07: Life Filter

2007-07-18T01:29:00.000Z

This comes with a personal recommendation from me.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

17/07/07: Free the MP3

2007-07-17T01:28:00.000Z

This is not meant to suggest that MP3s should be given away, but that they should be sold WITHOUT Digital Rights Management software attached...you know, so that you can truly describe it as "my music" to other people rather than "music that I have temporarily licensed from Apple".

I did this THEN found out that Apple have actually dropped Digital Rights Management on iTunes. Yea! The MP3 is free finally! Hurrah to Liberty and Justice and all that!

Oh, wait a moment, turns out you have to pay more for that service. That's even sillier than before...before they were saying that they were doing it to protect the artist from villians like, you know, us! Now they're saying that it's ok to rip off the artist provided you pay THEM a little bit extra on the side. I don't think that home taping of music that you own should be illegal, it's a right we've enjoyed up until now. However, if you are now allowed to pay a little bit more for specials, I'd like to know how much extra I need to pay on a Britney Spears track to be allowed to shag her. And not the bald, crazy as a coot new Britney, the old skool schoolgirl Britney.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

16/07/07: Beneath Planet KillSpock

2007-07-16T01:27:00.000Z

Re: 13-07-07. Turns out I didn't quite nail the brief after all. The record is actually called "Beneath Planet KillSpock", the band name is not supposed to feature in the artwork, and it's supposed to feature monkeys smoking and dancing, as if they were in an underground disco. Sylvian Sylvian Le Bon is an idiot. KillSpock Warriors suck DONKEYS!
Here is the revised artwork...
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

15/07/07: CACA

2007-07-15T00:29:00.000Z

I'm all for caravan owners being against Class-A drugs, particularly when driving to and from their camping destination. I do think though that they've made a bit of a slip-up with the logo. At first glance it looks like a caravan, but when studied more closely, it reveals itself to be the symbol for the chemical structure of GBL, which as you know undergoes conversion in vivo into GBH (Liquid ecstasy, Blue Nitro, Midnight Blue etc.). It's effects are similar to Rohypnol, the notorious date-rape drug! This surely can't be what they meant to convey, it looks like an invite to a drug-fuelled weekend in a caravan. Subversive!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

14/07/07: Push the Button

2007-07-14T00:28:00.000Z

This fella's finger bears an unfortunate resembalance to Dick Cheney. I say unfortunate, but it's not really 'cos he's always getting paid to press those big red buttons you see at openings, launches of yachts and the like. That's why I've called it "Push the Button", because the fella whose finger this is pushes lots of buttons for a living. It's an affirmative tale really of one man's struggle to overcome disability and make shit-loads of cash in the process. It's nice!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

13/07/07: Killspock Warriors

2007-07-13T23:37:00.000Z

The KillSpock Warriors ROCK! They were formed in 1997 as a New Romantic band by their singer Sylvian Sylvian Le Bon and released their first album "Wecome to Planet KillSpock" shortly afterwards.

Typically, after a string of hits they vanished into a sea of high-class hookers and drug abuse, before re-emerging in 2007 with their masterclass in breakbeat-skiffle "Escape from Planet KillSpock".

I am proud to say that I have been employed by Sylvian Sylvian Le Bon himself to produce the artwork for their 12" remix of the title track from the album...and here it is.

Just to demonstrate that I can work to a brief, these were my instructions in full: "Name of the band...some maps or something, beautiful people running away...some sort of Star Trek reference". As you can see, I stuck to it 100% and didn't even put the track name on it because he didn't mention it!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

12/07/07: Mallow Lands

2007-07-12T23:37:00.000Z

What I like about Dirty Rabbit is that he is NOT a victim of circumstance, in fact all of the tight situations that he finds himself in are entirely of his own making, and usually drug-related. For instance, the terrible freebasing accident he had in the eighties (which explains why he wears the box on his head). He never should of been hanging out with Richard Pryor in the first place!

Anyway, this book is all about his adventures in the Mallow Lands, where everything is made of marshmallow or candyfloss! It's an amazing place, and should stay that way if only Dirty Rabbit can avoid sparking up his crack-cocaine pipe and toasting the entire place...

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

11/07/07: One Giant Leap

2007-07-11T23:36:00.001Z

Camouka brand shoes are unfortunately only available in size 9 for men.
BTW have you ever noticed how the Camouka logo also looks like a donkey's head?
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

10/07/07: Grey Fades with Dots 5

2007-07-10T23:35:00.000Z

Ah, warming, homely grey fades with dots. Lazy boy! Lazy boy! Lazy boy!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

09/07/07: Why Not Eat Some Toast?

2007-07-09T17:50:00.000Z

I know in the sophisticated age that we live in this ad appears somewhat crazy - who on earth actually needs to be told to eat some toast, it's just a natural human function right? But in the 1940's all sorts of advisory councils were set up to educate the British populous about what you could and couldn't eat (I guess people had forgotten due to the war!).

Here are some other examples that I couldn't be arsed to draw:
'Eat Paint - It's Healthy And Nutritious!' (from the Lead Advisory Council of Britain)
''Marmalade is also a Food' (from the Marmalade Advisory Council of Britain)
'A is for Asbestos Pie' (also, strangely from the Marmalade Advisory Council of Britain)
'It's not a Banana Unless it's a Powdered Banana' (from the Powdered Foods Advisory Council of Britain)
and the now classic,
'Don't Eat Pussy, it's what the Communists do!' (from the John Birch Society, UK Branch)

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

08/07/07: Quantum Loops

2007-07-08T17:50:00.000Z

Why choose a breakfast cereal that only snaps or crackles or pops when you can have one that splits the universe with every bite. Guaranteed. Of course, proving it could be tricky as obviously you'll be in one universe with no way of checking the existance of the other.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

07/07/07: Fertility Clinic Toilet Signage

2007-07-07T17:49:00.000Z

I think this would make excellent signage for a fertility clinic. For a start I've drawn simple representations of the genitals in question (in dark pink), then I've used the lettering (in light pink) to indicate the reproductive process of each - that's the sperm and the fallopean tubes. I know you could of worked that out by yourself, I just wanted to say it all to you!!!

As a bonus, if these were printed onto glass doors that sat alongside each other and opened towards each other, there would, on occasion, be moments when both doors were opened onto each other and the graphics would interlock. Hurrah!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

06/07/07: Four Finger

2007-07-06T17:48:00.000Z

First rule of Four Finger: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FOUR FINGER!
So, let's talk about Four Finger:
As far as playing the game goes I'll just give you a couple of examples of gameplay rather than attempt a complete explanation, this isn't because I'm being difficult, it's just that the game was explained to me in a pub by a very drunk person who was slurring their words quite a lot and I didn't fully understand all the subtle nuances involved.
I do know that a Swivel can be deflected by a Come Hither, and that the Devil has dominion over the Daddy, but only if the Point has not yet been made.
I know that historically, the Rule Breaker represents a Jack, The Rule Maker a Queen, and the Daddy a King - but in Four Finger gameplay it's not that simple - for instance the Rule Maker trumps the Rule Breaker, but strangley the Rule Breaker trumps the Daddy, it's called "The Genetic Disposition", which in itself is strange because this game dates back to Summarian times! One other thing I know is that the Chump is used only as a last resort.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

05/07/07: Dr McKeith Strikes Again!

2007-07-05T17:47:00.000Z

Holistic Nutritionist's of course examine your poo for signs of health problems.
Frankly, I expect my poo to appear unhealthy - it's had all of the goodness sucked out of it (not litrally obviously) - it's waste?!
This poor fella thought he was queueing to see the Holistic Nutritionist, but inadvertantly got into the "you've been strung up and hung out to dry like a chicken you muppet" queue instead. What an idiot!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

04/07/07: Chav Vader

2007-07-04T13:39:00.000Z

"Chelsie, I am your father"
Any resembalance to Burberry tartan is purely coincidental.
This is made with stolen art!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

03/07/07: Poo-Six

2007-07-03T13:38:00.000Z

Poo-Six has a unique ability...he can poo straight sixes. Amazing.
Subsequently, he's a good dog to have around in a craps game. Ha!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

02/07/07: Evolution in Music

2007-07-02T13:37:00.000Z

Here is a picture of Mr and Mrs Rongorongo-Smythe and their son Phil. They are trying to explain to him that further de-forestation of the garden will cause the eventual extinction of the Rongorongo-Smythe family, but he's just after some more batteries for his ipod. What an idiot! It's a generational problem really as Mr and Mrs Rongorongo-Smythe are powered by valves and relays, whereas Phil is completly solid-state.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

01/07/07: The Grin

2007-07-01T13:35:00.000Z

As I'm sure you are aware, Edvard Munch was an extremely quick sketcher, he drew this litrally seconds before his more well known piece "The Scream". I think his model was mucking about! This is what happens when you have Tim over to dinner.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

30/06/07: Meet The Folktons

2007-06-30T13:34:00.000Z

The Folkton Drums were found by Canon William Greenwell in 1889 when he opened a round barrow on Folkton Wold. Here is a picture of their descendants.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

29/06/07: Torrington terror Tales #1

2007-06-29T22:22:00.000Z

It all goes on in Torrington and here's the proof.
This is a composite of all sorts of bits and piecess, for instance the picture of Windy Cross is a composite of a photo I took outside the Londis with the pyramid found on a dollar bill, and the scyche that Old Nick is holding is one from a picture I drew of Tony Blair that never made it onto the blog.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

28/06/07: Movie Poster for ‘Zombi Hesus 3D’

2007-06-28T22:22:00.001Z

Wow! They've re-released this in glorious 3D. What were they thinking.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

27/06/07: Fluffer Fish

2007-06-27T01:50:00.000Z

Fluffer fish are very handy if you are making fish porn. The last instance of fish porn that I know of was a movie called "Full Frontal Fish" made in Walthamstow in the early nineties by the Harris Brothers. If you have a copy of this film please send it to me.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

26/06/07: Welcome to El Rey

2007-06-26T01:49:00.000Z

I love The Getaway by Jim Thompson. Luckily, Torrington is nothing like El Rey!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

25/06/07: I'm Clocked

2007-06-25T01:49:00.000Z

The best position to put your pinball in.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

24/06/07: Pin_Karma

2007-06-24T23:45:00.000Z

Allow me to elaborate. As I mentioned yesterday we got Firepower running 100%, and then after setting it to a five-baller (but otherwise leaving it on factory defaults), we played a game, and I clocked it...FIRST GAME! Oh yes baby! How sweet is that? Pin_Karma.

For any pinball fanatics here are the details of the game repair:

1) We swapped out my old MPU and driver board for brand new replacement boards made by Kohout Enterprises System and available from www.pinballpcb.com - this got us back a working game with the Firepower game modification chips in place. With these mods there are various missions to complete including a biggie in multi-ball mode. we had a quick game at which point we noticed that the sound (but not the speech) was also screwed. Exciting!
2) We then swapped out the boards (including the sound board) with my backup set, which again got us a working game. I say 'we', basically I mean Richard.
3) While he was doing all that I was cleaning the bloom off the playfield.

If you want more Firepower details then visit: www.firepowerpinball.com - it's worth it, we've just done an interview with Eugene Jarvis, programmer and sound designer on FP. Also I've just done a full set of FP playing cards for free download...

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

23/06/07: Pin Goggles

2007-06-23T23:44:00.000Z

Along with Firepower I also own a Space Invaders. It has the most amazing artwork and a fantastic infinity backflash based on H. G. Giger's stuff from 'Alien'. In short an rocking looking game but not all that in the gameplay department. Firepower and Black Knight both have the typical Steve Ritchie 'flow' to them, but there is no real flow on this table unless you count repeatedly making the horseshoe loop in the centre of the table. In short I was wearing Pin goggles when I bought this.

Anyway...me and Richard spent the day over at the farm sorting out FP and also taking a look at SI. FP is now 100% functional and SI now successfully completes it's boot-up sequence. Sweet!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

22/06/07: Thee Rock!

2007-06-22T23:36:00.000Z

This is to be a serious pinballing weekend. Richard arrives today with his Black Knight in tow - he is loaning it to me for a couple of months. Amazing! Black Knight is of course one of the very best of the early solid states, barring Firepower of course! Black Knight was designed by Steve Ritchie with the software programming and sounds by Eugene Jarvis. It's going to live in the barn (for a while) beside my Firepower, which they also worked on together. And which also rocks! You may think that ""Thee Rock!" is what I am saying to Richard for being so generous, but no, this is what Richard will be saying to me in the early hours of Saturday morning when I completly blitz his machine on factory defaults.
This artwork is of based on the cabinet artwork of BK and I think would make a great tee-shirt. Do it!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

21/06/07: Blue Monkey Coke

2007-06-21T12:12:00.000Z

The Cult of the Blue Monkey has it's fingers in all sorts of evil pies. They are not to be trusted.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

20/06/07: Monstrous Tales

2007-06-20T12:11:00.000Z

Can you think of anything more monsterous than Christopher Robin becoming a changeling and rampaging through One Hundred Acre Wood...and eating Pooh!
I think all monsters should be made to carry balloons, it renders them harmless, unless they are clown monsters in which case it makes them more dangerous.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

19/06/07: S.N.A.F.U

2007-06-19T10:48:00.000Z

This is the design for the new international taskforce (consisting mainly of the coalition of the willing) whose job it is to seek out and extraordinarily render suspected terrorists to secret interogation centres based in Africa. As you can see it features the international symbol for religious rightiousness, the turkey. It bases all of it decisions on "gut feelings" and what God tell's it is morally right. Loverly.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

18/06/07: Listen...my Guitar Sings

2007-06-18T10:47:00.000Z

My friend Nick sent me a photo of a pack of guitar strings for inspiration.

On an unrelated matter, this is the 7" single that Monty Moroloss released after playing to a packed house at the Buckland Filleigh Astrodome. It was an amazing concert, everyone was waving their lighters in the air, although it's a bit scary when a mob turns on a performer like that. Boom! Boom!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

17/06/07: Sententia

2007-06-17T01:18:00.000Z

Here is a map of the long lost island of Sententia, which lies somewhere off the North Devon coast.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

16/06/07: Clowns are coming

2007-06-16T01:18:00.001Z

Clowns are scary! Don't read Stephen King's "It" though, it's a very scary book about a clown, and which stays scary right up until the clown is revealed to be a...space alien or something. Stupid book.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

15/06/07: After a long journey...

2007-06-15T01:16:00.000Z

...Why not enjoi a Kamouka Kool. Long journeys can be stressful and you have to concentrate hard. And it's very important to obey the rules of the road. None of this applies in the comfort of your own home where you can kick back with a cup of tea and relax into a Kamouka Kool.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Kamouka Kools are NOT tested on animals.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

14/06/07: The Deal

2007-06-14T01:55:00.000Z

Al-Yamamah ("The dove") is the name of the deal between the United Kingdom and Saudi Arabia worth £40 billion that was subject to a Serious Fraud Office investigation into alleged bribes.

Lord Goldsmith announced last December that the SFO's head, Robert Wardle, had spontaneously recalled his investigators from Switzerland for "reasons of national security".

Tony Blair told the Commons he took full responsibility for the decision to withhold details of the £1bn payments to Prince Bandar from the anti-corruption watchdog, the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development.

Anyway, I expect you know all the details and just want to hear about the picture:
Al-Yamamah means "The Dove", thus the picture of a dove. You might normally expect a dove to be carrying an olive branch in it's mouth, but in this instance it's a scimitar...which forms part of the Saudi Arabian flag...which is coloured green. The dove's eye is one of those RAF symbols like Spitfires used to have on them. See, it all means something and I'm not shallow! The research on this picture took about ten times as long as the picture itself.

If you don't know the details can I suggest that you start here:

Who exposed this colossal bribery? Why, the feral beast by Simon Jenkins, The Guardian

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

13/06/07: Radioheads

2007-06-13T12:10:00.000Z

This is meant to suggest that with the advent of internet radio/podcasting anyone can be a radiostar. Usual conditions apply.
I'm very interested in this concept right now because me and Trev are wokring on an edit for www.radiowaves.co.uk
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

12/06/07: Rambunctious

2007-06-11T11:54:00.001Z

I love Rambunctious, it's my favourite card game!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

11/06/07: Let's Kill Books, Not People

2007-06-11T11:47:00.000Z

Of course I'm not really advocating shooting books, that's a terrible idea. I'm saying if you read in a book (particularly a very old book) that it's a good idea to smite your enemy, then it's probably better to shoot the book than it is the person, who's probably actually alright.
The gentleman in this picture has done exactly that and good for him I say, although considering his appalling aim I would recommend that he lays down his gun entirely.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

10/06/07: Teignmouth 1980

2007-06-09T01:11:00.001Z

If you lived in Teignmouth in 1980 you will know all about this. "I EAT SHELLS" was sprayed in large letters on the railway bridge. I would love to be able to state catagorically who wrote this because it is brilliant, but I don't know so I'm throwing a blue whale into the mix as the possible culprit.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

09/06/07: Flim-Flam Artist

2007-06-09T01:10:00.000Z

Welcome to the wonderful world of chiropractic, a world where even the most vile and pernacious illness can be dealt with by manipulation of the spine. DD Palmer, the inventor of chiropractic was previously a 'magnetic healer' who also dabbled in phrenology. Palmer insisted that a spiritualist medium inspired him in his search for “the single cause of all disease.” In 1895 Palmer claimed to have restored the hearing of a janitor named Harvey Lillard (deaf for 17 years) via manipulation of the spine. (FACT: The nerves of hearing are enclosed entirely within the skull.)
Palmer then announced that all diseases were the result of interference with the flow of ‘Innate Intelligence’ (a previously unknown force that flows through the spine) by ‘subluxations’, or misalignments of vertebra. It was known as the “Bone Out
Of Place” theory. He also believed that the body was not heated by blood, but by
“calorific nerves”.
In 1905, Palmer was indicted for practising medicine without a license. He was sentenced to 105 days in jail and was required to pay a $350 fine.
By 1911 there were signs that Palmer was considering turning chiropractic into a religion, as this extract from a letter by Palmer to P.W. Johnson, dated May 4 demonstrates:
“…I occupy in chiropractic a similar position as did Mrs. Eddy in Christian Science. Mrs. Eddy claimed to receive her ideas from the other world and so do I. She founded thereon a religion, so may I, I am THE ONLY ONE IN CHIROPRACTIC WHO CAN DO SO.”
In 1913, whilst taking part in the Universal Chiropractic Collage parade in Davenport, Iowa, Palmer was inadvertently run down by a car…driven by his son Bartlett Joshua (B.J)! To make matters worse, B.J. was accused of attempted patricide!
Fortunately, the charges were dismissed. Unfortunately, D.D. died a few months later of typhoid, one of the few diseases it appears that chiropractic cannot cure.
B.J. did not believe in germ theory and considered vaccination a form of poisoning.
His main contribution to the furtherance of chiropractic was his skill as a salesman.
B.J. said of chiropractic:
“Our school is on a business, not a professional basis ... We manufacture chiropractors... Give me a simple mind that thinks along single tracks, [and] give me 30 days to instruct him…”
And this:
“Question: What are the principal functions of the spine?
Answer:
To support the head
To support the ribs
To support the chiropractor.”
- B.J. Palmer, Answers (1952)
Loverly!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

08/06/07: Damnation!

2007-06-09T01:09:00.000Z

Werewolves want treats too!
He should of course gone for the one at the top/back as it's easiest to grab. Typical werewolf error.
The werewolf is stolen art - it's from the comic strip "House of Monsters" published in "Weird" magazine, Sept. 1976.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

07/06/07: Zombie Sleepover Party

2007-06-07T11:29:00.001Z

I've just read "Voodoo in New Orleans" by Robert Tallant. It's a great book, written in about 1946. I thought it was going to be about the rituals and processes of Voodoo, but it's actually about the charecters floating round at that time, flim-flam artists like Marie Laveau and Doctor John. Patter's has just read "The Serpent and the Rainbow" by Wade Davies, basically about the history of Haiti and in perticular Vodoun Zombies. Oh yeah, and the other night we watched "Zombie Flesh Eaters" (aka "Zombi 2") which is based around a Voodoo curse.
Groovy!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

06/06/07: Bertrand Russell's Coffee Pot

2007-06-06T23:08:00.000Z

I'm reading 'The God Delusion' by Richard Dawkins, which is fantastic. I've just got to the bit about Bertrand Russell's teapot:

"If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time."
("Is there a God?" commissioned (but never published) by Illustrated magazine in 1952)

Now that I've drawn a coffee pot as a spaceship I'm thinking, when Brition does finally launch a spaceship they ought to make it look like an everyday object...but huge, because then if we do meet any aliens they'll think we must be giants!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

05/06/07: On Melrose

2007-06-05T20:28:00.000Z

This is based on a photo I took about 10 years ago. This loverly old lady is about to smite me!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

04/06/07: Let Me Smit thee

2007-06-04T20:27:00.000Z

I'm not big on smiting myself, but I hear it's very good if you don't like someone. Typically, in the past a lot of smiting was done in the name of your god/gods unto people who didn't believe the same nonsense as you. In fact quite a lot of that still goes on now!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

03/06/07: The Mook

2007-06-03T13:42:00.000Z

Monty Murrell is a mook, he's always making me do stuff that is a COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME, like this blog.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

02/06/07: Creationism Not Evolution

2007-06-02T13:40:00.000Z

This is a picture of Jerry Falwell's car.

Jerry Falwell has recently died, but by way of rememberance here is some memorable quotes from him:

The Bible is the inerrant ... word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible,without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etc." (from Finding Inner Peace and Strength)

"But thank God this vile and satanic system will one day be utterly annihilated and there'll be a celebration in heaven." (speaking about the mostly gay Metropolitan Community Church on the "Old Time Gospel Hour" broadcast, March 11, 1984)

"Homosexuality is Satan's diabolical attack upon the family that will not only have a corrupting influence upon our next generation, but it will also bring down the wrath of God upon America. "

"He is purple — the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle — the gay pride symbol." (from a "Parents Alert" issued in Jerry Falwell's National Liberty Journal about Tinky Winky)

By the way, the founder of "Answers in Genesis" Ken Ham, states, “If you can’t trust the Bible’s history, how can you trust its morality?”. Well, quite!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

01/06/07: Dirty Harry

2007-06-01T13:38:00.000Z

Monster!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

31/05/07: Details

2007-05-31T16:24:00.000Z

God is in the details!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

30/05/07: Grey Fades with Dots 4

2007-05-30T16:24:00.000Z

It's that lazy time of the month! If you like this you may enjoi 29-04-07, 20-04-07 and 29-03-07. FYI All the artwork uses elements from the first Grey Fade with Dots, which you may consider a good or a bad thing. I think I'm done with these.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

29/05/07: Concreting Accident

2007-05-29T16:23:00.000Z

Next weekend myself and Patters and Les and Sam will be rendering the final wall my father ever built, in preperation for painting it (pink). Being risk averse, I decided to read up on the potential hazzards. I chose this magazine rather than the equally good 'Mortar Mortality Monthly' because of my own personal fear of getting my head stuck in the cement mixer. This is all bullshit, I made this magazine up!

For your information:
1) Clare and Jo will vouch for the fact that I did indeed once fall through their garden wall after a particularly heavy night of Tequilas.
2) The Imelda Marcos reference - suggest you type "Manila Film Center" into Google for more information.
3) The Crispin Glover reference - I would dearly love a copy of 'Concrete Inspection'!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

28/05/07: Big Pink Burger

2007-05-28T16:22:00.000Z

Big Pink Burger: 100% Gay Beef Guaranteed!

Ask yourself this question, are you homophobic? Of course you aren't, that would be a ridiculous position to take! Therefore would you be happy eating gay meat? What difference could there possibly be (it's possible I guess that it's actually leaner than hetrosexual beef as homosexual cows spend more time in the gym don't they)?

I can think of one group of people who might have a problem with this concept though: RELIGIOUS EXTREMISTS like for instance Fundamentalist Christians or Catholics. As they view homosexuality as an abomination before God and damn them to eternal hell, I would imagine that they would go out of their way to avoid the Big Pink Burger brand at all costs. I would think that the average fundamentalist christian redneck would choke on his rump steak if he believed for a moment that any homosexual bull sperm had come within 100 miles of it. But wait a moment, if this is true, then what steps are they currently taking to ensure they are not eating gay beef? Because it is a known fact that homosexual acts occur in the animal kingdom (see this article in National Geographic).

By the way, the ever forgiving (and recently demised) Jerry Falwell had this to say on September 13th 2001 about 9/11:
"The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked...I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle...I point the finger in their face and say you helped this happen."
Pat Robertson was in the studio and said Amen to that!!!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

27/05/07: Croydon Car Club

2007-05-27T16:20:00.000Z

This is halfway between Croydon and Carshalton. Draw your own conclusions.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

26/05/07: Peyote holiday

2007-05-26T16:15:00.000Z

Dirty Rabbit has an obsession with drugs that were once considered perfectly legitimate and beneficial but are now illegal. Peyote ingestion is now illegal in the US except for "bonafide religious ceremonies". Doctors used to prescribe Qualudes for anxiety until our parents made it the disco dancing drug of choice in the seventies. And as we all know Coca-Cola did once contain an estimated nine milligrams of cocaine per glass.

Dirty Rabbit wears a box on his head due to a nasty freebasing accident in the eighties.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

25/05/07: The Shout

2007-05-25T16:14:00.000Z

You don't see people walking round in purple clothes much these days do you.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

24/05/07: The Nerve

2007-05-24T16:12:00.000Z

This started life as a picture of a telegraph pole.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

23/05/07: Meter Reader

2007-05-23T16:12:00.000Z

This is how relevant and in the moment I am. We had a meter reader come round on the 16th, and I've done a picture to celebrate the fact only ONE WEEK LATER!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

22/05/07: First Seed of Doubt

2007-05-22T16:11:00.000Z

Imagine for a moment that you are the first human being on Earth to suspect that the sunrise is not the work of God, but a mechanical, predictable process.
Or imagine for a moment that you've just invested all your money in the world's largest gob-stopper and you suddenly suspect that it won't fit inside your mouth.
Or imagine for a moment that you've just invented the world's first space hopper, but suddenly you realise that it need's 'ears' to hang on to. And it's a stupid idea in the first place.
Any of those apply, it's supposed to capture that moment of sheer panic that hit's you when you realise that your carefully executed plan is not quite as brilliant as you thought. It's then followed by a steely determination to carry on regardless. Like this blog!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

21/05/07: Caravan

2007-05-21T16:08:00.000Z

This is where me and Patters and Splink lived for about a year. It was a beautiful and mad place to live. It blew away in the february storms.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

20/05/07: Windy Cross Woman

2007-05-20T16:07:00.000Z

This actually started life as a perspective drawing of Windy Cross. It was going nowhere fast. Then today I looked at it with fresh eyes and realised that it looks rather like a lady and that solved the whole problem for me.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

19/05/07: Steve McQueen

2007-05-19T16:06:00.000Z

I'm EXACTLY like Steve McQueen: He rode a motorbike and I would like to try riding a motorbike. He didn't shave enough and I don't shave enough. He had a dog called Splink! and I have a dog called Splink! Oh yeah, and we both married a woman called Barbara (Patters is changing her name. FACT!).
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

18/05/07: Clicks to go...

2007-05-18T16:05:00.000Z

I was thinking about that poem 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening' by Robert Frost:
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

17/05/07: Upgrade Now!

2007-05-17T16:04:00.000Z

This is all self-explanatory.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

16/05/07: New Gods

2007-05-16T16:04:00.000Z

Nestling within the foothills of Ilfracombe lies Mount Dudmore. While I can marvel at the slendour of the scenery, I do question if they made the right choice with the subject matter. They all seem to be people whos only claim to fame is that they made fools of themselves on reality tv (apparently they were picked by viewers of the Richard and Judy show via phone-in vote, so maybe that explains it)! From left to right it appears to be: Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, George Galloway and Jade Goody. I believe they are opening an Indian resturant in the mouth of Jade Goody. Which is nice.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

15/05/07: Prodigal Son

2007-05-15T16:03:00.000Z

What will Tony do when he leaves office?
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

14/05/07: The Magic Sphinx

2007-05-14T16:03:00.000Z

This is a picture of the best bar in Giza!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

13/05/07: The Blackened Heart

2007-05-13T16:02:00.000Z

I found this book in a charity shop in Torrington, they were practically giving it away. It's a fabulous tale of spin, lies and well...mass murder. Strangely it seems to have been published in July 2007 - that's the future!
By the way, if you think you've looked closely enough at this picture, I think that you haven't! I suggest you open the PDF and zoom well in.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

12/05/07: Movie Poster for 'Urban Burns'

2007-05-12T16:01:00.000Z

What would happen if the Angel of Death stole your identity. Shenanigans times 100!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

11/05/07: Animals of Torrington Common

2007-05-11T16:00:00.000Z

This is all lies! No elephants roam Torrington Common. We hung them all.
In truth this was basically an attempt to draw an elephant as simply as possible. For those of you who care, it can be done using three oblongs and two circles.

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

10/05/07: Grail Town

2007-05-10T15:50:00.000Z

Yes it is true! For a full explanation of this picture keep your eyes open for "Men In Robes" by Trufin Hatch, due to be published later this year. Meanstwhile, why not read "A Doublet: Willie & Tingle Maze" also by Trufin Hatch. I live next door to Trufin Hatch. How cool is that?
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

09/05/07: Who's Real?

2007-05-09T15:49:00.000Z

This looks to me like the five fellas are either in a line-up looking directly at us, or are stood at a urinal facing away from us...not sure which. Can I point out in case you are confused, this is not meant to be about ids, egos or superegos (all of which live harmonious fullfilling lives inside of me even as we speak!), it's about identity theft.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

08/05/07: Domestic Rabbitbot

2007-05-08T15:49:00.000Z

This is a domestic rabbitbot from the 1970's.

This is camouka animal #2. The artwork is based on the shapes used to make the camouka rabbit. The legs are sprung steel plates that allow it to jump.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

07/05/07: Disco Tarot

2007-05-07T15:48:00.000Z

This is the first card in the Disco Tarot set. This is the "Superstar Dancer" card from the Major Arcana. It's the equivalent to The Magician.

This is a rework of the Joynt Fella from JoyntSounds.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

06/05/07: Brown Glitter

2007-05-06T15:48:00.000Z

The title of this is meaningless (it's originally the name of a Jacknife Lee song), it's just that this is a predominantly brown picture.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

05/05/07: Spiro

2007-05-05T15:47:00.000Z

I've been collecting the "Great Speeches from the 20th Century" books in The Guardian. I have two favourite speeches neither of which were included in the list. This is my number two, Spiro Agnew rambling on about the "effete corps of impudent snobs". I love the timbre of his voice, it makes it a great speech to cut and paste into mixes. I don't of course love the sentiment behind it! Both him and Nixon eventually got their just desserts, Nixon over Watergate, whilst Spiro was forced out of office on bribery and tax evasion charges. Read all about it here:
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

04/05/07: A Single Tear...

2007-05-04T15:46:00.000Z

This is stolen art! Basically I 're-purposed' (i.e. STOLE) the artwork from a book I have about photography dating from 1976. I mixed up the resulting cartoons, re-assembled them into an order I liked the look of then added the storyline, toaster, toast and coloured it in.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

03/05/07: The Information

2007-05-03T15:46:00.000Z

This is an ACTUAL photo of YOUR brain that is clearly showing your current thought processes. As you can see, one of your memories, lurking in the darkest recesses of your mind is refusing to give up it's secrets. Why is that?
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

02/05/07: Zero at the Bone

2007-05-02T15:44:00.000Z

Emily Dickinson had an amazing turn of phrase! Here is a bit of a poem called "The Snake" (although I read that she never named her poetry, and elsewhere it's titled "A Narrow Fellow in the Grass"). Either way, I think we know what I'm saying...

Several of nature's people
I know, and they know me;
I feel for them a transport
Of cordiality;

But never met this fellow,
Attended or alone,
Without a tighter breathing,
And zero at the bone.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

01/05/07: Lord Laden

2007-05-01T15:43:00.000Z

You may well be asking why I did this picture. It's because I've been thinking about Lord Lucan AND Usama Bin Laden. They have several things in common: they both come from extremely privileged backgrounds, they both have a total disregard for human life, and they both have seemingly disappeared without trace. I've done Usama as an English gent!

Technically, I composited this picture in Photoshop, first selecting a picture of Usama, then gentrifying him up with the deerstalker, cloak, monocle and pipe. Then I placed him in context - the background is a detail from "The Haywain" by Constable. I pushed each layer through a different cutout filter then the whole result got pushed through the trace function in Illustrator. Bet you're glad you asked.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

30/04/07: Any minute now...

2007-04-30T15:32:00.000Z

Carpe Diem!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

29/04/07: Grey Fades with Dots 3

2007-04-29T15:31:00.000Z

Another grey fade...I guess I must be busy this weekend.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

28/04/07: London Kills

2007-04-28T15:30:00.000Z

London kills. That's what people keep telling me. Move to Torrington, it's loverly!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

27/04/07: Welcome to Pink #2

2007-04-27T15:30:00.000Z

This should be called "inflamed hair folicle" but it's not.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

26/04/07: Tony and George

2007-04-26T15:29:00.000Z

This is obviously in the style of Gilbert and George. It went a bit pear-shaped as they both actually end up looking like Carmen Miranda!? (Even more so before I replaced the bananas with missiles).
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

25/04/07: Last monkey Tea Party

2007-04-25T15:28:00.000Z

This is not about Jesus. This is a picture taken during the last days of the Cult of the Blue Monkey. As you can see the glorious Blue Monkey leader has LOST PERSPECTIVE and grabbed all the big bananas for himself! Unlike this picture.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

24/04/07: Mormon Voyager

2007-04-24T15:27:00.000Z

This is what Mormons believe:
On the planet KOLOB, orbiting the star KAKISTOCRA, in the constellation of CANCER, God and his many wives have children, which are bodiless spiritual beings. When a child is born on Earth one of these spiritual beings inhabits them to become ‘a living soul’.
They actually believe a lot of weird stuff, but this is the most bizarre. I urge you to investigate further...
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

23/04/07: Domestic Bearbot

2007-04-23T15:27:00.000Z

This is a domestic bearbot from the 1970's.

This is camouka animal #1. The artwork is based on the shapes used to make the camouka rabbit (except for the ariel and the claws).
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

22/04/07: NO2 Headcandy

2007-04-22T15:24:00.000Z

Be very careful around whipped cream or this can happen!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com

21/04/07: Zombi Werewolf 2

2007-04-21T15:22:00.000Z

It's another horror movie!!! These werewolves are particularly bad because they only transform under a blood moon.

By the way, if you're thinking it doesn't look much like a werewolf that's because this is actually based on a photo that Kev took of a stuffed foxhead (dating from April 1913) that we found in the barn at the farm!!! TRUE!

This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com