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I don't know what I'm trying to say here, I just wanted to draw a cartoon about computers and sweets. If you are into computers and sweets then you know all about unrequited love don't you, you fat bastard!
Incidentally, these are actual photos of the CAMOUKA mainframe, having examined them closely, I'm going to have to sack Janet because she called me "weird" in her on-screen conversation. The CAMOUKA mainframe is used by NATO for it's missle defence system and by the Eurovision Song Contest to add up the votes. Oh, and I use it to play 'Tempest'.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This campaign is totally idiotic for reasons that are obvious! If you can fight global warming by always carrying ONE tree with you, why not TWO, or THREE, or HUNDREDS?
Best thing to do is hire an enormous lorry and ship round several thousand at a time. Carbon off-setting is a much better idea, pay a poor person to carry round a tree for you and so save yourself the hassle of having to do anything about it yourself...
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Rufus Raffleston is a total cad, using Roofies to get his way with the ladies. He's a bounder!
Stolen Art warning!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
What I've gathered from this picture is that sometimes the only way you can get things done is by working as a team. I imagine the fella at the front is saying "Come On!" in a high-pitched squeak because he's full of helium. Hard to take someone seriously when they're angry if they have a high-pitched squeaky voice. The irony is heavy in this one.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Surely rain is the one thing us Brits are good at coping with. Turns out not to be the case. It's not all disaster though - this company are exploiting the situation by bottling the flood-water at a handsome profit. I hear it's almost as good as Dasani.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Send me an email if you want to join! Members must clock Firepower or make 1,000,000 on Black Knight, or offer me sexual favours, or drugs, or alcohol. Extra points for combos.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This is all about the words - download the damn PDF to read them.
Oh, or you could go to this website to see the full text:
www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/science.html
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Yes, this is a blatant and passé steal of the Usual Suspects. Whatever! The Badgerwatch are an elite noctural fighting force (operating only in the summer months).
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
It's true, I DO love chemicals. They are our friends.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
If you play in an arcade, then the Holy Grail of pinball is the Special, however as a home owner it's the extra ball. It's sexy!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This comes with a personal recommendation from me.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This is not meant to suggest that MP3s should be given away, but that they should be sold WITHOUT Digital Rights Management software attached...you know, so that you can truly describe it as "my music" to other people rather than "music that I have temporarily licensed from Apple".
I did this THEN found out that Apple have actually dropped Digital Rights Management on iTunes. Yea! The MP3 is free finally! Hurrah to Liberty and Justice and all that!
Oh, wait a moment, turns out you have to pay more for that service. That's even sillier than before...before they were saying that they were doing it to protect the artist from villians like, you know, us! Now they're saying that it's ok to rip off the artist provided you pay THEM a little bit extra on the side. I don't think that home taping of music that you own should be illegal, it's a right we've enjoyed up until now. However, if you are now allowed to pay a little bit more for specials, I'd like to know how much extra I need to pay on a Britney Spears track to be allowed to shag her. And not the bald, crazy as a coot new Britney, the old skool schoolgirl Britney.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Re: 13-07-07. Turns out I didn't quite nail the brief after all. The record is actually called "Beneath Planet KillSpock", the band name is not supposed to feature in the artwork, and it's supposed to feature monkeys smoking and dancing, as if they were in an underground disco. Sylvian Sylvian Le Bon is an idiot. KillSpock Warriors suck DONKEYS!
Here is the revised artwork...
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
I'm all for caravan owners being against Class-A drugs, particularly when driving to and from their camping destination. I do think though that they've made a bit of a slip-up with the logo. At first glance it looks like a caravan, but when studied more closely, it reveals itself to be the symbol for the chemical structure of GBL, which as you know undergoes conversion in vivo into GBH (Liquid ecstasy, Blue Nitro, Midnight Blue etc.). It's effects are similar to Rohypnol, the notorious date-rape drug! This surely can't be what they meant to convey, it looks like an invite to a drug-fuelled weekend in a caravan. Subversive!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This fella's finger bears an unfortunate resembalance to Dick Cheney. I say unfortunate, but it's not really 'cos he's always getting paid to press those big red buttons you see at openings, launches of yachts and the like. That's why I've called it "Push the Button", because the fella whose finger this is pushes lots of buttons for a living. It's an affirmative tale really of one man's struggle to overcome disability and make shit-loads of cash in the process. It's nice!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
The KillSpock Warriors ROCK! They were formed in 1997 as a New Romantic band by their singer Sylvian Sylvian Le Bon and released their first album "Wecome to Planet KillSpock" shortly afterwards.
Typically, after a string of hits they vanished into a sea of high-class hookers and drug abuse, before re-emerging in 2007 with their masterclass in breakbeat-skiffle "Escape from Planet KillSpock".
I am proud to say that I have been employed by Sylvian Sylvian Le Bon himself to produce the artwork for their 12" remix of the title track from the album...and here it is.
Just to demonstrate that I can work to a brief, these were my instructions in full: "Name of the band...some maps or something, beautiful people running away...some sort of Star Trek reference". As you can see, I stuck to it 100% and didn't even put the track name on it because he didn't mention it!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
What I like about Dirty Rabbit is that he is NOT a victim of circumstance, in fact all of the tight situations that he finds himself in are entirely of his own making, and usually drug-related. For instance, the terrible freebasing accident he had in the eighties (which explains why he wears the box on his head). He never should of been hanging out with Richard Pryor in the first place!
Anyway, this book is all about his adventures in the Mallow Lands, where everything is made of marshmallow or candyfloss! It's an amazing place, and should stay that way if only Dirty Rabbit can avoid sparking up his crack-cocaine pipe and toasting the entire place...
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Camouka brand shoes are unfortunately only available in size 9 for men.
BTW have you ever noticed how the Camouka logo also looks like a donkey's head?
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Ah, warming, homely grey fades with dots. Lazy boy! Lazy boy! Lazy boy!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
I know in the sophisticated age that we live in this ad appears somewhat crazy - who on earth actually needs to be told to eat some toast, it's just a natural human function right? But in the 1940's all sorts of advisory councils were set up to educate the British populous about what you could and couldn't eat (I guess people had forgotten due to the war!).
Here are some other examples that I couldn't be arsed to draw:
'Eat Paint - It's Healthy And Nutritious!' (from the Lead Advisory Council of Britain)
''Marmalade is also a Food' (from the Marmalade Advisory Council of Britain)
'A is for Asbestos Pie' (also, strangely from the Marmalade Advisory Council of Britain)
'It's not a Banana Unless it's a Powdered Banana' (from the Powdered Foods Advisory Council of Britain)
and the now classic,
'Don't Eat Pussy, it's what the Communists do!' (from the John Birch Society, UK Branch)
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Why choose a breakfast cereal that only snaps or crackles or pops when you can have one that splits the universe with every bite. Guaranteed. Of course, proving it could be tricky as obviously you'll be in one universe with no way of checking the existance of the other.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
I think this would make excellent signage for a fertility clinic. For a start I've drawn simple representations of the genitals in question (in dark pink), then I've used the lettering (in light pink) to indicate the reproductive process of each - that's the sperm and the fallopean tubes. I know you could of worked that out by yourself, I just wanted to say it all to you!!!
As a bonus, if these were printed onto glass doors that sat alongside each other and opened towards each other, there would, on occasion, be moments when both doors were opened onto each other and the graphics would interlock. Hurrah!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
First rule of Four Finger: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FOUR FINGER!
So, let's talk about Four Finger:
As far as playing the game goes I'll just give you a couple of examples of gameplay rather than attempt a complete explanation, this isn't because I'm being difficult, it's just that the game was explained to me in a pub by a very drunk person who was slurring their words quite a lot and I didn't fully understand all the subtle nuances involved.
I do know that a Swivel can be deflected by a Come Hither, and that the Devil has dominion over the Daddy, but only if the Point has not yet been made.
I know that historically, the Rule Breaker represents a Jack, The Rule Maker a Queen, and the Daddy a King - but in Four Finger gameplay it's not that simple - for instance the Rule Maker trumps the Rule Breaker, but strangley the Rule Breaker trumps the Daddy, it's called "The Genetic Disposition", which in itself is strange because this game dates back to Summarian times! One other thing I know is that the Chump is used only as a last resort.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Holistic Nutritionist's of course examine your poo for signs of health problems.
Frankly, I expect my poo to appear unhealthy - it's had all of the goodness sucked out of it (not litrally obviously) - it's waste?!
This poor fella thought he was queueing to see the Holistic Nutritionist, but inadvertantly got into the "you've been strung up and hung out to dry like a chicken you muppet" queue instead. What an idiot!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
"Chelsie, I am your father"
Any resembalance to Burberry tartan is purely coincidental.
This is made with stolen art!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Poo-Six has a unique ability...he can poo straight sixes. Amazing.
Subsequently, he's a good dog to have around in a craps game. Ha!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Here is a picture of Mr and Mrs Rongorongo-Smythe and their son Phil. They are trying to explain to him that further de-forestation of the garden will cause the eventual extinction of the Rongorongo-Smythe family, but he's just after some more batteries for his ipod. What an idiot! It's a generational problem really as Mr and Mrs Rongorongo-Smythe are powered by valves and relays, whereas Phil is completly solid-state.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
As I'm sure you are aware, Edvard Munch was an extremely quick sketcher, he drew this litrally seconds before his more well known piece "The Scream". I think his model was mucking about! This is what happens when you have Tim over to dinner.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
The Folkton Drums were found by Canon William Greenwell in 1889 when he opened a round barrow on Folkton Wold. Here is a picture of their descendants.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
It all goes on in Torrington and here's the proof.
This is a composite of all sorts of bits and piecess, for instance the picture of Windy Cross is a composite of a photo I took outside the Londis with the pyramid found on a dollar bill, and the scyche that Old Nick is holding is one from a picture I drew of Tony Blair that never made it onto the blog.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Wow! They've re-released this in glorious 3D. What were they thinking.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Fluffer fish are very handy if you are making fish porn. The last instance of fish porn that I know of was a movie called "Full Frontal Fish" made in Walthamstow in the early nineties by the Harris Brothers. If you have a copy of this film please send it to me.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
I love The Getaway by Jim Thompson. Luckily, Torrington is nothing like El Rey!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
The best position to put your pinball in.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Allow me to elaborate. As I mentioned yesterday we got Firepower running 100%, and then after setting it to a five-baller (but otherwise leaving it on factory defaults), we played a game, and I clocked it...FIRST GAME! Oh yes baby! How sweet is that? Pin_Karma.
For any pinball fanatics here are the details of the game repair:
1) We swapped out my old MPU and driver board for brand new replacement boards made by Kohout Enterprises System and available from www.pinballpcb.com - this got us back a working game with the Firepower game modification chips in place. With these mods there are various missions to complete including a biggie in multi-ball mode. we had a quick game at which point we noticed that the sound (but not the speech) was also screwed. Exciting!
2) We then swapped out the boards (including the sound board) with my backup set, which again got us a working game. I say 'we', basically I mean Richard.
3) While he was doing all that I was cleaning the bloom off the playfield.
If you want more Firepower details then visit: www.firepowerpinball.com - it's worth it, we've just done an interview with Eugene Jarvis, programmer and sound designer on FP. Also I've just done a full set of FP playing cards for free download...
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Along with Firepower I also own a Space Invaders. It has the most amazing artwork and a fantastic infinity backflash based on H. G. Giger's stuff from 'Alien'. In short an rocking looking game but not all that in the gameplay department. Firepower and Black Knight both have the typical Steve Ritchie 'flow' to them, but there is no real flow on this table unless you count repeatedly making the horseshoe loop in the centre of the table. In short I was wearing Pin goggles when I bought this.
Anyway...me and Richard spent the day over at the farm sorting out FP and also taking a look at SI. FP is now 100% functional and SI now successfully completes it's boot-up sequence. Sweet!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This is to be a serious pinballing weekend. Richard arrives today with his Black Knight in tow - he is loaning it to me for a couple of months. Amazing! Black Knight is of course one of the very best of the early solid states, barring Firepower of course! Black Knight was designed by Steve Ritchie with the software programming and sounds by Eugene Jarvis. It's going to live in the barn (for a while) beside my Firepower, which they also worked on together. And which also rocks! You may think that ""Thee Rock!" is what I am saying to Richard for being so generous, but no, this is what Richard will be saying to me in the early hours of Saturday morning when I completly blitz his machine on factory defaults.
This artwork is of based on the cabinet artwork of BK and I think would make a great tee-shirt. Do it!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
The Cult of the Blue Monkey has it's fingers in all sorts of evil pies. They are not to be trusted.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Can you think of anything more monsterous than Christopher Robin becoming a changeling and rampaging through One Hundred Acre Wood...and eating Pooh!
I think all monsters should be made to carry balloons, it renders them harmless, unless they are clown monsters in which case it makes them more dangerous.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This is the design for the new international taskforce (consisting mainly of the coalition of the willing) whose job it is to seek out and extraordinarily render suspected terrorists to secret interogation centres based in Africa. As you can see it features the international symbol for religious rightiousness, the turkey. It bases all of it decisions on "gut feelings" and what God tell's it is morally right. Loverly.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
My friend Nick sent me a photo of a pack of guitar strings for inspiration.
On an unrelated matter, this is the 7" single that Monty Moroloss released after playing to a packed house at the Buckland Filleigh Astrodome. It was an amazing concert, everyone was waving their lighters in the air, although it's a bit scary when a mob turns on a performer like that. Boom! Boom!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Here is a map of the long lost island of Sententia, which lies somewhere off the North Devon coast.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Clowns are scary! Don't read Stephen King's "It" though, it's a very scary book about a clown, and which stays scary right up until the clown is revealed to be a...space alien or something. Stupid book.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
...Why not enjoi a Kamouka Kool. Long journeys can be stressful and you have to concentrate hard. And it's very important to obey the rules of the road. None of this applies in the comfort of your own home where you can kick back with a cup of tea and relax into a Kamouka Kool.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Kamouka Kools are NOT tested on animals.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Al-Yamamah ("The dove") is the name of the deal between the United Kingdom and Saudi Arabia worth £40 billion that was subject to a Serious Fraud Office investigation into alleged bribes.
Lord Goldsmith announced last December that the SFO's head, Robert Wardle, had spontaneously recalled his investigators from Switzerland for "reasons of national security".
Tony Blair told the Commons he took full responsibility for the decision to withhold details of the £1bn payments to Prince Bandar from the anti-corruption watchdog, the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development.
Anyway, I expect you know all the details and just want to hear about the picture:
Al-Yamamah means "The Dove", thus the picture of a dove. You might normally expect a dove to be carrying an olive branch in it's mouth, but in this instance it's a scimitar...which forms part of the Saudi Arabian flag...which is coloured green. The dove's eye is one of those RAF symbols like Spitfires used to have on them. See, it all means something and I'm not shallow! The research on this picture took about ten times as long as the picture itself.
If you don't know the details can I suggest that you start here:
Who exposed this colossal bribery? Why, the feral beast by Simon Jenkins, The Guardian
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
This is meant to suggest that with the advent of internet radio/podcasting anyone can be a radiostar. Usual conditions apply.
I'm very interested in this concept right now because me and Trev are wokring on an edit for www.radiowaves.co.uk
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
I love Rambunctious, it's my favourite card game!
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
Of course I'm not really advocating shooting books, that's a terrible idea. I'm saying if you read in a book (particularly a very old book) that it's a good idea to smite your enemy, then it's probably better to shoot the book than it is the person, who's probably actually alright.
The gentleman in this picture has done exactly that and good for him I say, although considering his appalling aim I would recommend that he lays down his gun entirely.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
If you lived in Teignmouth in 1980 you will know all about this. "I EAT SHELLS" was sprayed in large letters on the railway bridge. I would love to be able to state catagorically who wrote this because it is brilliant, but I don't know so I'm throwing a blue whale into the mix as the possible culprit.
This artwork is available as a free pdf at: www.dailyartblog.com
